Really bad anger issue please help.?

At times I get so angry i don't know what to do with myself. Last month I visited my mom and I got so angry with her i ran up to her like i was going to hit her and i will never forget my moms face she was horrified and I cant believe i got that angry at her. I need serious help and I dont know where else to go. I have done anger management once but i stopped attending after 2 months. my boyfriend thinks I should see a therapist. I get really angry with him too. Sometimes when I speak I get shocked of what is coming out of my mouth. i'm 18 and I am really serious abut getting help and want to know information if you guys ever experienced this behavior. this has been such a long battle for me because now my mother doesnt call or if we do have a family gathering my brothers and sisters and my mom would not looka t me. this hurts so bad and i want to change. i cant beleive i treated her like this and i want her to know i am seeking real help this time. I have been having these rampid rage tiffs since 11 and I dont want to go thru this again. when i was 12 i threw a brick at another girls head and when i was 15 i sratched a guy with a rake. I dont want this behavior this is not me! i can be the nicest person and people walk all over me like i feel when im nice im TOO nice.If that makes sense.I am trying to balance it but i cant. and then i can be the most angry person. i feel like my emotions are mixed up and i can not balance them right. my mom tried to get me on medication once but i never took it right. For some reason i was scared of meds. but now if i have to i will. any help. Serious people only.